Say something about gay babies.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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