Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
