so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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