I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
