I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Ketchup is God's man juice
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize