so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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