I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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