i don't like sucking hair
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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