gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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