Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
