And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
