dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
