Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
