This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
