I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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