You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
