i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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