Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
