respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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