Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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