VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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