Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
