you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
