Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
