Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
