I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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