Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
