I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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