You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
