He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
