apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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