I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
