who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
