Just mADE A PArabola og urine
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
