just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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