I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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