bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
