I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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