Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
