if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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