Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
