I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
