her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
