Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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