I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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