I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
