I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
