We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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