Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
