If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
