What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize