she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
