You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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