He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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