I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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