i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
