i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize