ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
