So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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