Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
too bad you live with your parents still
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
