i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
