I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
