Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
