Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
