you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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