I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize