Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
