He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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