I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
