and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How external is "for external use only"?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
