Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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