Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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