Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
