Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
