god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
