i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
