Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
