If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
