He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you told grandpa to call you daddy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
