did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
