One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
