WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
