Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
