I hope mine doesn't look like that
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
