you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
