will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Do vagina's smell?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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