Why are handjobs necessary in class?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize