Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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