If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
