I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Found the puke drawer
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
