I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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