That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
