You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
