Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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