Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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