Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
