bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
