Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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