It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
