so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize