I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
