so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
