Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
