Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
