Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize