I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
