dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
