So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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