totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I love having hate sex.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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