Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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