Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
