just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
