What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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