i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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