You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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