i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
