i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
